Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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