I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
