$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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