Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This house was built for laser tag.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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