Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
