Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
