don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
