I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize