I need help removing her.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
