well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
vagina is talking i cant
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
