my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
