Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
