ya dads aren't the best wingmen
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
