i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
