Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
