I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
