He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize