So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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