I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
