Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
