I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
