btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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