I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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