i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
