wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
