I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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