so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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