i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
