I met the friendliest cop last night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
