i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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