1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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