Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
