i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
