How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
