I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
