guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
40s are totally the cure
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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