My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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