I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
