Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I smell stomach acid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize