So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
