Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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