Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize