My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
being pregnant is like rehab
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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