capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
