need another drink. this is the easiest way
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
