See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
