if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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