I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
