oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
