Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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