Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this will be a night to untag.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
