U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
