i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need a burrito and a hug.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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