you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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