I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
