I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
