she woke up with a sticky ear
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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