so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize