so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
