if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
