; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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