speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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