Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
