god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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