Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
