I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
