so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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