When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i think i just lost a toe
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
