So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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