I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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