I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
