For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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