Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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