Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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