I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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