Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
