My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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