The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
