Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
