he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize