Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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