my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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