I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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