I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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