dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
