the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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