Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
